How Link VS Dark Link SHOULD Have Gone Down
by RoseSignerAlchemist
Summary: Otherwise known as "Glitches Are Evil!" This is a pointless RPG story written by me and my friends Cassie and Hayley. Lobve you guys! The story: Link and Dark Link must escape the wrath of a certain fairy, screaming girls, and aquatic mammals...


One day, Navi was happily traveling with Link as they explored the Lost Woods, and along the way taking time to pester (unknowingly, of course) the little woodland animals.

"Hey! Listen!" she screamed as she flitted about. A rabbit burst off hopping as fast as its little feet would take it just as the fairy turned around and saw Link.

"Quit messing with the animals, you annoying little fairy!" Link said as he smacked her over the head with his map.

_Hehehe, revenge at last for all the times she's annoyed the crap out of me!_ Link thought evilly.

_THUD!_

"What the - ?" Link cried as he whirled around.

An ominous chuckle echoed in Link's ears.

"Finally made it, huh, _hero?_" Dark Link sneered as he jumped down from the treetops. "Great. Now I'll end you right here!"

"Wait a minute!" Link said. "You're supposed to be in the Water Temple!"

Dark Link rolled his eyes. "Well, excuuuse me, idiot-boy! I couldn't help it if there was a glitch in the program! Hmph, stupid idiots messing around with GameShark…it makes me sick! Now are we gonna fight or not?"

Navi, meanwhile, was still lying unconscious in the grass as little fairies swirled around her head in circles, chanting "Hey listen!" over and over and over…

Suddenly, she jerks up into the air, flying around in circles and screaming, "WHERE AM I?"

"Gah! Annoying little fairy!" Dark Link jumps and spikes Navi in the head with his sword, and she fell onto the ground in a dead faint again.

"Navi!" Link screamed. "No!" There was a brief silence, and after Link was sure Navi was out cold, he turned to Dark Link and said, "THANK you! She was starting to get on my nerves and my flyswatter broke!"

Dark Link's only response was to glare at his double fiercely, daring him to stare back. Link took the dare, glaring back at Dark Link, but not without a twitch of the eye after a few minutes.

_Flit-flit, FWAP!_

"Hey!" Dark Link growled as Navi flew high into the sky, laughing, after hitting him in the face. A glittery blue light surrounded her and she slowly changed shape, into a massive blue dragon!

"Whoa!" Link cried, reeling back in surprise. "Since when did NAVI, a tiny FAIRY, have the power to turn into a dragon!"

"It's GameShark, I tell you!" Dark Link put in. "Probably another glitch!"

"Well, maybe you're – gah, never mind! You're going down, Dark Link!" Link cried, charging at his doppelganger.

"Too slow!" Dark Link laughed as he easily evaded Link's Master Sword and lunged out with his own. Link blocked the blow with his shield.

Soon both Links were thoroughly exhausted, both breathing hard.

"Give it up, Link," Dark Link panted. "You'll never win!"

"Oh, I won't, will I?" Link growled. "NAVI!"

"On it!" Navi the dragon cried, spitting out balls of blue fire in hopes that she'd hit Dark Link.

"YEEEOW!" Dark Link screamed as one of the flames singed the seat of his leggings. "HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT!"

Link swung his blade once again, hacking at his double. "YOU give it up! I beat you once and I'm sure I can do it again!"

"AAAGH!" Dark Link cried as Link finally landed a hit on his arm. "Sure you beat me, but only after three Game Overs!"

"Three and a half!" Navi called down from above.

"Hey!" Link yelled, flailing his arms about wildly. "Not funny! I'll have you know that all YOU ever do is bug the heck out of me! Example: 'Hey! Listen!' or 'Hey! Watch out!' when I'm already off a cliff!"

"Well EXCUUUSE ME for trying to be HELPful – eep!"

POOF. Soon Navi was back to being a tiny fairy again.

"WAAH!" Navi cried, her glow puffing up in anger.

"Aww!" Link said, teasing Navi. "Hahaha! No more dragon power for you!"

"PHOOEY ON YOU!" Navi cried. "I don't know why I even stay with you! You never listen – or watch out, for that matter!"

"Well, when I DO listen to you, you never help me!"

Dark Link had just been staring wide-eyed at the boy and his fairy, almost completely forgetting the fight.

Navi growled. "That's it. You're going down!" she howled, summoning forth from the lake behind them an army of around two-hundred…

PLATYPUSES!

"MWAHAHA! I'm gonna end you both!" Navi cackled, her glow darkening to an evil black with the sparkles drifting from her wings turning purple.

"HOLY CRAP!" Link yelled. "RUN! …Wait, I'm the only good guy in this fight…oh well…AAAAHH! I'm sorry, Navi! Don't kill me, please!" the blonde boy begged. "Did I mention I'm terrified of platypuses?"

"Oh…" Navi laughed evilly. "And did I forget to mention the YAOI FANGIRLS?"

An army of squealing Zelda cosplayers appeared behind the platypuses.

"GAH!" Dark Link screamed as he and Link both hugged in fright. "I'm terrified of platypuses AND fangirls! What kind of crazed glitches ARE these?"

The yaoi fangirls screamed, obviously taking Link and Dark Link's embrace the wrong way. "KISS! KISS! KISS!"

"EW, GROSS! NO!" Link and Dark Link both yelled, ripping apart from each other.

Navi laughed again. "Prepare to meet your doom!"

"AAAH! NO! STUPID FANGIRLS!" Link screamed, running in sheer terror and blindly throwing a bomb behind him in hopes that he might hit the fangirls and platypuses.

BOOM!

"Gah! Nice job, moron!" a blackened, smoking Dark Link yelled. "Aim for THEM next time!"

Before the boys could gather their wits again, the platypuses made a weird rumbly-clicky noise and began charging.

Link and Dark Link slashed heads and limbs, but the platypuses kept regenerating and growing bigger and bigger with each supposed kill!

"Get them, you fools!" Navi screamed, whipping out a mini lightsaber.

"Why do they keep coming back?" Link cried as his Master Sword impaled another platypus.

"This is just like the Mew glitch, only this time…it's a _platypus_ glitch!" Dark Link yelled back. "The only way to stop it is to…well, you CAN'T stop it!"

Navi let out a maniacal laugh, pointed her mini lightsaber at the two Links. "Resistance is futile! I will have my revenge, you fools! Listen to THIS, losers!" she cried, charging through the air towards her boy.

"Back off before things get worse, you ignorant fairy!" Link snapped, enraged, as he dodged Navi's "tackle." "I can't believe after all we've been through together you would do this! I knew I shouldn't have trusted YOU!"

"But you did!" Navi laughed. "And that was your fatal mistake! Now it's time for you to – "

"DIE, YOU STUPID FAIRY!" Dark Link yelled as he fwapped Navi across the clearing with a flyswatter.

Navi's enraged platypus army quickly avenged their fallen leader, jumping on Link and Dark Link and burying them under a mountain of fur and webbed feet.

"Now what?" Link's muffled scream reached Dark Link. "Any plans, you dark-sided GENIUS? If it hadn't been for YOU coming around to torment the life out of me, maybe THIS wouldn't have happened! I mean, seriously, we're practically BURIED by PLATYPUSES!"

"Well, how was I supposed to know your little blue ball of pure chaos would sic her little buddies on us?" Dark Link snapped.

Link sighed. "You might wanna cover your ears!"

_Beep, beep, beep, beep – _

"What the f – "

BOOOOOOOOM! MWAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHA!

"Huzzah!" Link cried as he danced around in the rain of platypus carcasses. "It worked this time!"

Meanwhile, Dark Link noticed that Navi was modifying a nearby bomb flower. He nudged Link out of his happy dance, which D. Link thought looked more like a sick chicken doing a Kokiri jig, and pointed over to what his fairy was doing. Link's eyes widened.

"NO! NOT AN ATOMIC BOMB! YOU F****** FAIRIES DON'T MAKE A LOT OF SENSE AT TIMES! AAAAHH!" Link yelled as he charged at Navi.

Link and Dark Link both ran forward and slashed at Navi, and the wings and body fell to the ground in two separate pieces.

"Hey!" Navi yelled as they both watched the little wingless ball of light jump up and down on the grass. "I should kill you for that, brats!"

Link and Dark Link glanced at each other, smirking evilly as Link pulled out another flyswatter.

"Hey!" Link sneered.

"Watch out!" Dark Link concluded as he flicked Navi into the air with the toe of his boot and Link swatted her straight into the lake.

"Hey, where'd you get another flyswatter?" D. Link asked.

Link shrugged. "Another glitch, probably!"

Dark Link laughed. "Probably!"

"So," Link said, "Aren't you gonna…you know…start trying to kill me again now?"

Dark Link shook his head, shrugging. "Nah. I'm waiting 'till you get to the Water Temple and all these glitches wear off. Who knows what would happen to me if I beat you now! But watch out – once that idiot out there stops messing around with cheats, you're going down!"

"We'll see, I guess!" Link laughed as he and his doppelganger set off down the forest path. "But I have the strangest feeling that we forgot something…"

"EEEEEK!"

Link and Dark Link both looked at each other in inexpressible horror.

"THE YAOI FANGIRLS!" they yelled, turning back around and running in the other direction as fast as they could.

"So what glitch causes those THINGS behind us?" Link asked frantically between fast-paced breaths.

"Them? They're not a glitch, they're FULLY REAL! Now don't dwell on it!" Dark Link yelled back. "They can sense your fear!"

"KISS! KISS! KISS!"

"_NOOOO!"_


End file.
